Designing My Ageless Mind, Virtually
by Lynne Berrett
Recently I attended my first women’s group in quite a while. No, it isn’t based on political or religious affiliations. It is simply called “Women over 50,” and it’s meeting in Second Life. So far we range in age from 52 to 86 (me), which makes it interestingly inter-generational. The fact that I’m doing this now has been quite a surprise to me, like so many things that have happened in my virtual world.
Back in the 60’s, like many of my friends I was active in several women’s groups. But when family and work started to take over my life, I left them behind. Now that I’m retired and don’t like to go out at night much, the reality that all of my friends live at least 40 minutes away from us has radically changed that part of my social life. My desire to join a local group for any reason has also been nonexistent. In fact, I was not looking for any group, anywhere, anymore.
But, in the past few weeks, this virtual women’s group found me. I suppose it was inevitable. I spend a good deal of my time in SL supporting events that our volunteers, most of them retirees like me, host on Inspiration Island, our home base. I meet a lot of people who become friends that way. So they tend to chat with me when they see my name pop up on their screen, alerting them that I’m inworld. A month or so ago, a woman friend sent me an IM (Instant Message) to say she was turning 50 in her physical life and wondered if there was a group in SL where she could ask other women questions about getting older. I said I didn’t know of any. A few weeks later another woman friend said she wished there were a place in SL to talk about “women’s issues.” I offered to contact other women I knew to see if anyone belonged to an active group or felt a similar desire to find one. No, there didn’t seem to be any group formed for that purpose and yes, many of them liked the idea of one. Suddenly I found myself organizing a meeting for anyone who was interested. A male friend in his 70’s asked me if he could join too. I consulted the women. They said, sorry, no. They wanted to be able to talk about things like menopause and men privately. (Perhaps there’s also a need for a men’s group?)
Women over 50 has now met three times. Some of us live in the US, some in the UK, some in Europe, some in South America, and one is in Australia. Figuring out a time that we can all comfortably get together was a challenge with so many times zones to consider, but we did it. Some of us can use voice and some have to type all their contributions to the conversation. We are able to move easily between speech and type in SL, which means that people who are blind or deaf can also participate. One woman comes during her work hours and listens silently through headphones.
Most of us spend our time inworld doing very different things. One woman owns a clothing store — what our avatars wear and look like is a major way we express ourselves, so she’s in a booming business. One produces cultural role-plays like Carnival Time in Venice; she’s also a trained counselor who facilitates a popular program on our island we call Relationships in SL and Beyond. One is a well-known SL poet. Poetry and creative writing, like music and art, have large, active communities in SL. I know a number of people who dont think of themselves as creative, yet they have developed unexpected creative skills inworld with the aid and encouragement of other residents. That same kind of generous assistance helped me discover new abilities in myself that I never suspected until I came into Second Life at age 73.
If I had been asked to help start a womens group in the physical world, I would not have been interested or volunteered to do anything. Why did I take the plunge now in SL? Here’s my superficial answer. I don’t have to drive anywhere to spend time with interesting people and have deeply meaningful conversations, which are what I most enjoy at this point in my life. You might say to me, “But why do this in SL? You could just as easily meet on Zoom or even on Substack or FaceBook.” I’ve done all that, so I know SL offers a very different kind of experience -- more direct and more real, strange as it sounds. I can best describe the feeling as “my spirit encountering other spirits.” Our avatars may not look like us in the flesh, but they very often express our sense of who we really are, what we would like others to recognize about our inner selves.
I’ve learned many things over my years in SL that I don’t think I could have learned anywhere else. I have seen up close how people can blossom here when they find a new sense of purpose, often something that wouldn’t have occurred to them outside of a virtual world. Like the retired lawyer who was depressed and is now a sought-after DJ. Like the still-working psychologist in her seventies who comes inworld once a month to lead a Wisdom Circle for us. Like the retired business professor who runs a popular jazz club with live musicians singing and playing over a music stream from their livingrooms. Coming to know and befriend these people has been a great source of joy and expanded my mind. Women over 50 will expand it even more. That’s the real reason I have helped nurture this group.
The possibility of designing an ageless mind came to me originally from the people I met and the experiences I had in virtual worlds. (Yes, there are others beyond Second Life.) The adventure continues. I have so many stories to tell you about the experiences and the people — friends who have worked with me over 13 years to keep developing Whole Brain Health, friends who have visited us in the flesh from abroad, friends who have died and left us their legacy to carry on, friends I can sit with around a campfire and talk as we eat goodies that don’t add a pound to our avatar hips, whatever we are noshing on at home. I look forward to bringing them here to share with you.
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