True Confessions: Do I practice what I preach?
By Lynne Berrett
I turned 86 this summer – no, that’s NOT the confession I’m making. In fact, I’m very grateful that I’ve made it this far, when so many of my dearest friends haven’t. But I have recently been reflecting more than usual on Life and my own life, and I’m struck by how much I’m still learning about both, even at this advanced age.
For instance, one of the things many people my age say is that they’re glad they no longer care what others think of them. But, on self-examination, I have to admit I still want to be paid attention to and admired.
So, it’s embarrassing to confess (here it comes) that I have not been doing a good job with what I profess publicly in the Ageless Mind Project -- that is, “walking the talk.” You know what I mean: consistently putting the theories and research we offer our readers into actual practice.
I think of all the excellent suggestions we’ve made in print about connecting more deeply with nature, paying attention to self-care (healthy diet, sufficient sleep, exercise), spending quality time with other people, volunteering, taking on new cognitive challenges, having a sense of purpose, journaling for self-growth.
What‘s the reality? Well...here’s one example: when we recommended journaling as a path to developing an ageless mind, I was very enthusiastic, because reflection comes naturally to me. But I failed so miserably at actually using a journal daily, weekly, or even monthly that I finally had to acknowledge total defeat.
I really did try to embrace the activity, especially since one of my friends journals the first thing every morning, rain or shine. If she doesn’t do it, she’s cranky all day. But, for me, it became like clearing out the attic -- something I know it would be good to do…maybe when we decide to sell the house? (I’m thinking now of hiring a young person to do it for me.)
I have the same problem with exercising regularly. Every day, reports come out reaffirming the connection between exercise and healthy longevity. When I told Josh, my husband and co-founder of our nonprofit, about the new research on the value of doing isometric exercises like wall squats and planks, he immediately added them to his routine. I haven’t.
That’s the key word: routine. Josh thrives on routine. It is apparently not in my DNA. I suppose I could pathologize this and label it Attention Deficit Disorder. Instead I have decided to look at it through a different lens, one that can help me design my own best version of an ageless mind. That lens is called Character Strengths.
What gave me this idea is an essay, “The Hedgehog and the Fox” by the philosopher Isaiah Berlin, that has always stuck in my mind. He borrowed these names from an ancient Greek poet who wrote: “The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.”
Berlin wonders if these are two different ways of experiencing the world. Foxes “pursue many ends, often unrelated and even contradictory…their thought is scattered or diffused, moving on many levels,” while hedgehogs “relate everything to a single central vision…a single, universal, organizing principle.” Notice that one isn’t better than the other: Berlin thinks of Shakespeare as a Fox while Aristotle is a Hedgehog. Neither is bad company to be in! And, as he acknowledges, nobody is completely one or the other.
So I’ve been considering the pros as well as cons of being a Fox. Now, rather than continuing to beat my breast over what I am not doing, I’m having a different kind of inner dialogue, asking myself, “Self, what are the things that energize you, feel natural to who you are, and make you feel truly alive?” Because an ageless mind is, above all, a lively one.
From this perspective I see that although journaling didn’t work for me, just being willing to try it started me on a search for what could work better to reach the same larger goal – which is to be able to reflect on what we experience. This is one of the most powerful tools we can use to design our ageless minds.
The same is true for an exercise routine. I’m thinking about it differently now. How can I use some of my greatest character strengths to find an exercise habit that will stick? Here’s where my character strength of Perseverance could come in handy. Routines are not my natural habitat, but I can take heart in the fact that I have stuck to meaningful goals…which I never truly realized until now.
I have wondered: should I try to become more of a Hedgehog like Josh? I was willing to try that approach because it makes building habits easy for him, but — like journaling — it just didn’t work for me. So, although we are looking for the same outcome – that evergreen mind – we need to do it in very different ways.
What else helps?
Other people. Many have improved my life in very specific ways. One example: six years ago I tried Intermittent Fasting for a variety of health reasons. I was wise enough to join a group to learn more about it so I could figure out how it might work best for me. (I understand all this only now, by the way.) It turned out to be a great fit for both Josh and me. The support of others was crucial to my -- and our -- success.
As I continue to reflect, I realize how much other people’s minds enrich mine. The comments and posts that folks have contributed to our project, both online and in person, have been inspiring, sparking new awarenesses and expanding my horizons. I feel that what we’re doing together is crossing a new frontier in aging.
The common denominator for me in all this is the character strength of creativity –- being open to new ideas and challenges, trying them out, and tweaking them to fit who I am. This has led to becoming a better cook (don’t laugh!) and even to building a thriving virtual community in the Metaverse.
I’m not much of an artist or musician or poet, but I have found that expressing what my imagination comes up with has produced unexpected benefits. Right now, I’m exploring AI (I consider AI to stand for Assistive Intelligence). I’ve found it can help me view my thoughts from new angles. P.S. I did not use AI for anything I’ve written here. Why would I want to do that?
Copyright 2024 by Lynne Berrett. All Rights Reserved.
If anything I’ve said resonates with you, I hope you’ll find a way to share your own reflections with me here. You know you can always reach me at agelessmindproject@gmail.com or on Substack or Facebook or LinkedIn
Please consider supporting our mission, as a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, to make science-based innovative activities that promote healthful aging available to as many people as possible through our online programs.
To learn more about AMP visit: https://agelessmindproject.org
This is such a lovely riff on my piece, Gloria! I imagine us sitting at a keyboard together playing a duet, each one’s line interweaving with the other’s. So nice to have you share so beautifully with me. Thank you.
Lynne
Ah, the delightful paradox of aging - we accumulate wisdom like lint in our pockets, only to realize we've misplaced our glasses and can't see it clearly! Your essay, my dear 86-year-old kindred spirit, is a refreshing gulp of honesty in a world often parched by pretense.
As a fellow woman of a certain vintage (though I'm a spring chicken at 73), I find your confessional both amusing and deeply relatable. We're like fine wines, aren't we? Complex, full-bodied, and occasionally corked.
Your journey from self-flagellation over unmet journaling goals to self-acceptance is a masterclass in cognitive flexibility. Who needs planks when you're busy bending your mind into new shapes? Perhaps we should start a new exercise craze: "Neurobic Yoga - where the only thing getting stretched is your perspective!"
Your fox-hedgehog dichotomy reminds me that while routines can be comforting, they can also be confining. Maybe we're not meant to be hedgehogs or foxes, but rather wise old owls, perched high enough to see both the forest and the trees.
I particularly enjoyed your reframing of "failure" into opportunity. It's not that we can't teach old dogs new tricks; it's just that we're smart enough to know when to fetch and when to play dead.
Lastly, your embrace of AI as "Assistive Intelligence" is spot-on. Though between you and me, sometimes I think AI stands for "Amusing Imperfection" - much like ourselves at this stage of life.
So here's to us, the foxes who know many things, including when to stop chasing our tails and start wagging them instead. May our minds stay as ageless as our spirits, and may we always remember: it's not about how many candles are on the cake, but how brightly they burn.